While on a recent vacation, my wife and I had a stimulating discussion with friends about friends. We were enjoying a meal with two other couples and one of the men asked the question, “Have you found many couples that you are friends with and, if so, how have you met them?”
What followed was a spirited discussion about friends–same sex friends, friends as couples, and opposite sex friends, when you’re married (or monogamously involved). The conclusion was that it is not simple.
As we were on a trip hosted …

Sometimes, life brings us a lot of lessons at once. In my family, we’ve gotten our share of them recently and they’ve added dimension to our lives and allowed us to each grow in different ways, without necessarily providing a neat and regular narrative for my column. That hasn’t stopped me yet and I think you’ll find they all coalesce into something meaningful.
Let’s begin with my older son growing as a rock ‘n’ roller, a talented drummer, guitarist, and vocalist. His passion carried over to an extraordinary …

A recent Pew Research Center study called “Women, Men and the New Economics of Marriage (Jan. 19, 2010 by Richard Fry and D’Vera Cohn) revealed that women are making much more money, over the recent past, than at any other time in our history. The study had the following opening: “The institution of marriage has undergone significant changes in recent decades as women have outpaced men in education and earnings growth. These unequal gains have been accompanied by gender role reversals in both the spousal characteristics and the …

Do you remember that great Eddie Cochran song, “Summertime Blues” from the fifties? Originally a single B-side, it peaked at #8 on the Billboard Hot 100 on September 29, 1958. Cochran died at the tender age of 21 in a taxi accident in England. The song is ranked #73 in Rolling Stone’s 500 Greatest Songs of All Time. But, enough of the music history lesson as it’s another summer and another 10 weeks wondering what the boys will be doing, as well as the family as a whole. …

Father’s Day for me is now a melancholy experience. I certainly appreciate the attention that I get from my two boys and my wife. My younger son tends to make an artistic gift for me, since he’s the artist of the family, while my older one will scribble some sweet sentiments on a piece of scrap or notebook paper, and my wife will usually make me a glorious meal of my choosing.
While I appreciate all this love showered my way, I also get melancholy over the memory of …

Before I delve into the subject of “Shame,” I want to share some news of which I’m very unashamed and proud. I have a new radio show called “The Bruce Sallan Show–A Dad’s Point-of-View,” which is inspired, if not actually based, on my columns. It is broadcast on KZSB AM1290, The Santa Barbara News Press Radio Station, and can be heard “live” on Thursdays from 11:00 a.m. 12:00 p.m., PST with re-broadcasts each Thursday evening from 9:00 p.m. – 10:00 p.m., PST and Saturdays from 12:00 p.m. – …

Is it ever okay to keep a secret from your spouse? If so, what secrets are okay and which are not? I would suggest there are times where a so-called “white lie” is a good thing while most of the time honesty is truly the best policy.
An example of a good “white lie” is the ubiquitous situation in which a wife asks her husband, “Am I looking fat?” or “How do I look in this dress?” We men know there’s only one answer, really: “You look …

This topic is so obvious yet I have yet to write about it. It may be partly because it is so close to home, for my boys. I was blessed to have my mother and father in my life completely and lovingly, until they died in recent years (at 89 and 90). They loved me, supported me, and told me the truth when I needed to hear it, whether I wanted it or not.
As is so often the case, I found their wisdom to be true …

Teen energy, angst, and anger manifest itself in so many ways. Every day it seems that we read about some teen that has done something unusually self-destructive, and occasionally destructive to others. Columbine was an extreme example of this. Many so-called “normal” teens tend to use or abuse the ol’ standbys of drinking, drugs, and sex to handle these emotions and changes. For my own 16-year-old, his reaction has been mostly anger. The irony is that I’ve found this to be both good and bad.
How hormones affect …

My wife dragged me to her church for an all-day seminar called “Turbulence Ahead–Parenting Teens Through the Bumpy Years.” I went along, in support of her and in support of her recent “turbulence” with our oldest son, who is 16½ and a handful. But, my initial reaction was that this was a long time to spend on a subject that I know pretty well.
At the seminar, it was quickly evident that my knowledge on the subject could certainly use a refresher, if not a full-on course. Within …