Finding someone who can help is part of the battle…..

Trying to cope

Every parent hopes their child will have the best that life has to offer so learning that his or her child has a disability can be very hard to come to terms with. All the hopes and dreams for the future of that child suddenly seem distant and hollow.

It is quite common for a parent to feel the emotions of grief and depression when they are met with this situation. Guilt is not unusual either. Questions will play over and over in the mind of the parent, “Was it something I did?”, “Was it something I didn’t do?”, “Should I have recognized the problem earlier?”.  Add to the mix a feeling of anger towards the doctors that give the announcement plus a feeling of negativity towards your own child due to the disability and you are close to the cocktail of emotion that a parent in this situation will feel.

As hard as these feelings are to live with, they are normal. The difficulty is compounded though as people who would have been there to support you in parenthood are suddenly absent as they also struggle to come to terms with the disability. It’s good to talk though so finding someone who has experience in dealing with these emotions is very beneficial, whether this is someone who has had the same experience or whether it is a counselor.

Help is at hand

For some parents, contacting a national organization for more information provides some comfort. Below are some links to such organizations that you may find helpful.

Changes in society

In days gone by children with severe disabilities were often institutionalized but today the approach is very different. Parents are now encouraged to keep all but children with the most profound disabilities at home. Home care in conjunction with “respite” has proved to be a successful approach to coping.

Respite care is designed to give parents an occasional day, evening, or even longer, to attend to themselves. Programs that offer respite care recognize the effort and frustration of caring for a child with a disability and are run by schools and other organizations throughout the uk.

What about medication?

Medical advances have enabled doctors to surgically correct some of the problems that afflict children with Down syndrome, spina bifida, clubfoot, cleft lip and palate, and heart malformations so these children can be more easily cared for at home.
Treatment may not provide a cure a child with a disability, although procedures that today are somewhat controversial for children, such as cochlear implants, may prove to be near-cures of the future. Parents must take time to ask questions and become informed.

Remember that your child’s disability is not your fault, and no one expects you to cope with it alone. Love your child for who they are and seek out help from others who have successfully overcome a similar roller coaster of emotion.

Key steps to help cope with your Childs disability or illness are:

• Asking for help is to be encouraged. Don’t be too proud to ask for it and when help is offered, take it.
• Find out what help and support you are entitled to. This can be hard at such an emotional time so maybe you can get a family member or a good friend to help.
• Try and find a support group. There will be people in your area that have been in your position. Speaking to these and learning how others cope(d) with the day-to-day issues concerning your child’s condition can be invaluable.
• Talking about how you feel will provide a much needed release. Family, friends, counselors, advice lines, other parents, religious leaders, anyone who you feel comfortable talking to is there to listen.
• Don’t forget about your other kids. The impact of having a disabled sibling on them can be significant. Give them as much attention as you can and if possible spend some quality time with them.
• Ignore stares and negative comments. Society today is harsh and many people are rude and ignorant. It’s your child that is important.
• Remember you’re doing your best and that’s all you can do. Even when you feel it’s all too much you will find a way through because after all is said and done the child is yours and you love them enough to call up the courage and strength required.

Author: SuperDads

We’re here to make a difference. Superdads not only offers advice but we are her e to promote the importance of fatherhood. Many people are oblivious to the fact that Dads really do matter and this is something we’d like to put right.

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