Teenagers bring a whole new set of rules to the table for you as a parent. Gone are the games of peek-a-boo and pat-a-cake, we’ve now got relationships, money issues and exam pressures to deal with…

Before we jump into those issues though, let’s have a look at what other things your child could get up to during the teenage years:

• Have sexual intercourse
• Get drunk
• Learn to drive
• Get a job
• Take a holiday with friends
• Experiment with drugs

This short but not exhaustive list is enough to make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up if you’re a parent. You really are going to need to have your wits about you to make sure you pick up on when you’re needed to guide your offspring through what is the most difficult period in life.

The teenage years see not only changes in your son or daughter but also in you as a Dad. You’ll suddenly find yourself saying the things you thought you’d never say…in fact you’re probably going to sound like your dad did when you where a teenager !?!

Things you’re going to say that you thought you wouldn’t include:

• Haven’t you got any homework to do
• Turn that noise down
• Who was that girl/boy i saw you with last night?
• I don’t care if your friends are doing it
• No, you can’t stay that late.
• Shouldn’t you get some exercise
• When are you going to get a job?
• If you want to live under my roof then you’ll abide by my rules

The real issues

Young love and relationships

Aside from telling you child about the effects teenage pregnancy will have on them and explaining contraception there isn’t too much you can do to stop them having a full on relationship if that is what they intend to do.

However that said, you shouldn’t encourage or condone anything that you feel is inappropriate.

If your child wants his/her partner to stay over and either of them is under 16 then you should say no. Otherwise you are comdoning what is a breach of the law.

You must talk it over though. Don’t just give a straight no. Explain the reasons that you are not prepared to let this happen at this time and explaion that it’s not going to be like this forever.

If both teenagers are over 16 and your are okay with them sharing a room, you should check with the parents of the other child first. You are looking after their childs welbeing whilst they are in your house and should consider that carefully.

Even when you are happy for them to share try and ensure that neither of the youngsters feels pressured into sharing a room. Give them the option of a separate room anyway just in case they are too embarrassed to ask.

Drinking and the risks of drugs

Superdads recommend that you highlight the pitfalls of durgs early on. Make sure that your child is well aware of the negative aspects of drinking and taking drugs as soon as possible.

The books below will help you do this:

Learning the value of money

Teenagers are expensive. Designer clothes may be on their agenda along with CD’s, DVD’s, Computers, Mobile Phones, Gaming consoles and MP3 players. In addition they will probably want to money for concerts, Sporting events and holidays with spending money and travel expenses incurred at each. Then there are University fees and the costs associated with supporting your offspring through these valuable years plus there is the possibility of your child wanting a car when they turn 17.

Dealing with all this expense depends on your personal circumstances. there is no right or wrong and as such different families will cope in different ways. It’s natural that as Dad you will want to provide as much as you can for your family but you must try and manage your childs expectations by helping you child understand what you can and cannot afford.

How to cope through this financial abyss:

• Encourage your child to get a part-time job or even a newspaper round. This way they understand money has to be earned and it has a value to them.
• Pay a monthly allowance and when they have spent it say no to any additional requests.
• Set up a bank account for your offspring so they can manage their own money and gain an appreciation of it.
• You may want to introduce a scheme to encourage saving. For example if your son saves £10 a month you may say you’ll match it in part or in full so long as it’s being saved for something constructive.
• Don’t be a miser. set a good example for your child. The occassional treat for your kids will be very much appreciated and show that money can be used unselfishly.

Exam Pressures

The school years will see your child sit GCSE’s and possibly A level examinations – A particularly stressful time for some.

Your role as dad is as follows:

1. Be supportive – give encouragement and try to provide them with enough confidence to succeed.
2. Make sure your child knows the importance of the examinations whilst finding a balance that doesn’t pile too much pressure on them. For example, let them know that good results will help in getting a job but expalin that they can only do there best and that it’s not the end of the world if things don’t go to plan.
3. Provide a stable environment with a constant routine for your child to study in. Stress can accumulate over time so if you find the right formula it can be avoided. the trick it to find out what environment best suits you child when they are studying and then you try to provide it. For example, if they like a quiet area, provide them with a desk in a room in the house that’s away from the sound of the TV and other distractions.
4. The internet – a great source of information. Providing access can assist during the exams as research is made easier and support is available online for most examinations.

Getting along with a teenager

A happy household is one where everyone gets along. Teenagers are known for mood swings and testing the boundaries so here at Superdads we’d like to provide some food for thought:

What you should do to make a happy household:

• Show consideration for the needs of your children whilst also encouraging them to do the same. A household with an understanding of each other is usually a happy one.
• Help each other. In the same way that you help out your offspring you should encourage them to help you too. Find a balance and agree what you will do for them and what they will offer in exchange. Don’t be to rigid in this though as it’ll provide further problems down the line if you do.
• Prviacy – you must respect the privacy of your children in the same way that you expect your privacy to be maintained.
• Set boundaries that you don’t expect your children to cross. Once they know the rules then they can live by them. Clear communication is a major factor in keeping everyone happy.
• Sometimes you’ll need to take action and do something your teen doesn’t like because its in their best interests. This can be hard but it’s your job as a parent so be brave.
• Trust. you need to develop a trust with your children. You need to show them an element of trust. If it’s broken you can build it up again but assuming the worst is not going to provide you with a peaceful life.

Author: SuperDads

We’re here to make a difference. Superdads not only offers advice but we are her e to promote the importance of fatherhood. Many people are oblivious to the fact that Dads really do matter and this is something we’d like to put right.

Homepage